The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
