I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
