I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
