omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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