I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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