his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Houston, we have a squirter
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
