some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize