How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
