MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
