i don't plan on having that self control this summer
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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