i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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