wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
