Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
