like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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