I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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