you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
