I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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