someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
