Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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