We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
