my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
love makes seman taste better
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
