Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
