so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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