They should really pass out barf bags in church
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
