so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Randomize
