he looks like a really good dad on facebook
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
