i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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