he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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