i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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