Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
