Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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