i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
