I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
