It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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