Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
