Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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