Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
