someone threw a dead crab at me
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
