so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
