Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
