Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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