Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
