He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
