Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
