Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
