i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize