I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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