I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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