so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
