I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize