omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
