sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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