dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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