I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
