Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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