Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
