And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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