mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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