How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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