So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The adults are the big ones right?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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