Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Congratulations! We have a period
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
