I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
