I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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