We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
