and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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