I love black thongs
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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