Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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